Thursday, April 20, 2006
Tales from the Istana - Part 5 (Sammyboy)
by scrobal
19 April 2006
99075.1
Ante Room: Last night at 7.15pm, Temp 21C
Old Man: Bro, got sometime to chat. Need to talk badly.
Pres: the Mrs is going back to Ceylon Rd tonight for the weekend, I can tell her that I need to review the national accounts. See you behind the guardhouse at 11pm.
Old Man : Ok.
Behind Guardhouse: 11pm, 23C, north easterly blowing gently
Pres: What's up boss, you look tired.
Old Man: Can't sleep for the last few nights.
Pres: Its the dialogue, isn't it.
Old Man: No, lah, its Sylvia Lim
Pres: I too think that she is a chio bu. Sometime can't sleep myself.
Old man: Don't be an idiot, get your mind out of the gutter. By the way, the only Chio Bu is Glenda Han.
Pres: Wat about Sylvia.
Old man: Her silence is deafening. She literally body slammed Hen and now he started to stammer at cabinet meeting. He is thinking of becoming a priest. He thought he can make her talk about the manifesto.
Pres: Got to admit, the manifesto looks good. We should have kept quiet.
Old Man: we thought they will be like JB and Chee who will launch into a tirade which we will then customarily break down. She basically told Hen to fuck off and get his own.
Pres: I told you in 1981, that someone will figure out the game sooner or later. Imagine, even in the latest press interview, she talked about everything under the sun except politics. One smart bitch.
Old Man: I screwed the shit of that stupid nephew- in- law of mine. How come they did not talent spot her.
Pres: Aiyah, they would have missed her out completely. You spent the last 20 years picking scholars.
Old Man: No lah, every GE we pick a few chinese helicopters.
Pres: Yah lah, Besides academic performers, helicopters and party ball carriers, there is no other category. There is a broad stratum of society that you have missed out completely.
Old man: Ok, ok thanks for the lesson on representational politics. I badly need help. If Loong does badly, my life will be a living hell. Choo will fry me for breakfast.
Pres: look, there is no way that the party can loose. The opposition will retain their 2 current seats and gain one more. The chicku man can continue to wait under the tree, Sitoh needs to get a brain transplant, come on...., bribing with food, what kind of strategy is that. The only way that you can take back Potong Pasir is for Ah Goh to publicly slap Sitoh silly. Frankly you are insulting the residents' intelligence.
Old Man: Which seat will we loose. Tell me Bro. I will go there and do house to house.
Pres: Please lah boss, after the dialogue with the young Singaporeans even if you kiss their ass, its not going to help. You will be hard pressed to sell koyok. The vote has reached a new generation that don't take kindly to bullshit and fairy tales.
Old man: What fairy tales?
Pres: Your stories about riding the Tiger. The last I heard, Lenin, Mao and Stalin are ancient history. Chin is suntanning in a Thai peace village. China is riding the dollar bill. Lim Chin Siong and Devan passed away. Remember NKF and Durai's downfall was precipitated by a petition initiated by an NSman. Our Generation failed. In fact, when the writing was on the wall, Mrs Ah Goh and your daughter in law supported him. Fuck, we did nothing, absolutely nohting despite regulations to intervene in place.
Old Man: But the dialogue was a success. The journalists there wrote favourable articles.
Pres: Hello! At the start of the dialogue, they asked for a level playing field. In the middle of the dialogue, they asked for a level playing field. At the end of the dialogue, they asked for a level playing field. One, even told you to contribute out of the cabinet. For the very first time, you failed to convince anyone of them. Go watch the tape again. What happenned to you - you suddenly turned deaf and dumb.
Old man: but the favourable articles the next day.
Pres: Remember when I first retired, you made me Chairman of SPH, to keep an eye on them. Instead of wasting resources and time keeping track of everyone, once a week, I would ask a journalist walking along the corridor if I had lost weight. Guess what? Every single one of them said yes. I knew then that our job was done. You yourself said that they are world best paid journalist.
Old man: For heaven's sake, which seat are we going to loose. Is it Aljunied.
Pres: No Lah, George is safe. I will tell you on nomination day when they file their papers.
Old Man: You mean some of the key players have not made up their mind.
Pres: Yes, they are playing the game well. Look, more Singaporeans know more about Sylvia, Steve, Glenda and a host of other opposition characters then your new slate of 24 newbies. Every single one of them looks like a clone, talks like a clone and we are not sure if they going to last more than one term. They are supposed to represent a generation that gew up with starbucks and playstations. Yet during walkabout, they drink kopi si ans Teh Si at kopitiam.
Pres: What's more, the 23 that had to step down, claimed that they made the decision to step down citing family, work etc. Its worse then pigs flying, the party credibility is shot to pieces.
Pres: Boss, feeling thirsty and a bit hungry, let get some supper. We can talk over a hot cup of teh tarik
Old Man: I think I need Teh Halia, more kuat than usual.
Pres: Lets ask the security detail.
Old man: No way, after that mad girl gave away her gun, I scared one.
Pres: Ok, lets scale the wall
Old man: How the hell can a fat bastard like you can climb a wall.
Pres: Ok lah, take the side gate and wear devan's wigs. Outside Siglap and Adam Rd, I am not familiar with the food.
Old Man: Lets go to Koek Road, the teh tarik is good. Its just across the street, just have to dash across CTE. Next to it, the bbq stingray at Cuppage Plaza is a killer. Also its a good opportunity to get some feedback from the man in the street.
Pres: You really lost the plot. What man in the street. The only man in the street is an FT. Singaporeans are staying at home not able to spend as they have been retrenched or they are driving taxis or studying hard to get a scholarship or learning a new skill or having an RC meeting to get lobang.
Old man: What about the hawkers?
Pres: Aiyah, they are all Malaysians with PRC helpers. The fucking mama selling Teh Tarik is the only Singaporean and even he goes back to India every year to complete building a big house back in his village. He can't be bothered about HDB, CPF or medicare. Some more no Singapore women would allow their husband to venture out at night in case they get raped by China MeiMeis
Old man: How to get feedback then.
Pres: I get mine from Sammyboy.
Old man: Sammyboy again. I know, I know, there are great contributors and there are arseholes but are they really a true sounding board.
Pres: Oh Fuck, even SPH gets some its scoop from it. More people have corresponded with Goh Meng Seng than any MP. Just tolerate some of the characters in it. By the way, the old warhorse QXP is still there singing your family anthem. Then there is this guy who is fixated with Chee's wife. My favourite is Johnboy who gives as good as he gets.
Old Man: the only advise that i take is from Lambaste's grandmother.
Pres: Hey! how come I always wear the wig that has a reddish streak. I look gay.
Old Man: I say, we should have asked Othman Wok for some spare wigs. That guy has got the best set. By the way, make sure your sarong doesn't get caught by the side gate. The last time, my singlet got ripped by it.
Pres: Boss, please tell me you brought money this time.
Old man: Bloody hell we raised your salary, didn't we.
Pres: Hey, you mentioned that we have to cross the CTE. Imagine if an ex- banker who is a taxi driver spots us, we are dead. Sure ram us down.
Old man: I got an idea. Lets hold hands, they might think that we are a gay couple and leave us alone. Hurry, I can smell the stingray.
19 April 2006
99075.1
Ante Room: Last night at 7.15pm, Temp 21C
Old Man: Bro, got sometime to chat. Need to talk badly.
Pres: the Mrs is going back to Ceylon Rd tonight for the weekend, I can tell her that I need to review the national accounts. See you behind the guardhouse at 11pm.
Old Man : Ok.
Behind Guardhouse: 11pm, 23C, north easterly blowing gently
Pres: What's up boss, you look tired.
Old Man: Can't sleep for the last few nights.
Pres: Its the dialogue, isn't it.
Old Man: No, lah, its Sylvia Lim
Pres: I too think that she is a chio bu. Sometime can't sleep myself.
Old man: Don't be an idiot, get your mind out of the gutter. By the way, the only Chio Bu is Glenda Han.
Pres: Wat about Sylvia.
Old man: Her silence is deafening. She literally body slammed Hen and now he started to stammer at cabinet meeting. He is thinking of becoming a priest. He thought he can make her talk about the manifesto.
Pres: Got to admit, the manifesto looks good. We should have kept quiet.
Old Man: we thought they will be like JB and Chee who will launch into a tirade which we will then customarily break down. She basically told Hen to fuck off and get his own.
Pres: I told you in 1981, that someone will figure out the game sooner or later. Imagine, even in the latest press interview, she talked about everything under the sun except politics. One smart bitch.
Old Man: I screwed the shit of that stupid nephew- in- law of mine. How come they did not talent spot her.
Pres: Aiyah, they would have missed her out completely. You spent the last 20 years picking scholars.
Old Man: No lah, every GE we pick a few chinese helicopters.
Pres: Yah lah, Besides academic performers, helicopters and party ball carriers, there is no other category. There is a broad stratum of society that you have missed out completely.
Old man: Ok, ok thanks for the lesson on representational politics. I badly need help. If Loong does badly, my life will be a living hell. Choo will fry me for breakfast.
Pres: look, there is no way that the party can loose. The opposition will retain their 2 current seats and gain one more. The chicku man can continue to wait under the tree, Sitoh needs to get a brain transplant, come on...., bribing with food, what kind of strategy is that. The only way that you can take back Potong Pasir is for Ah Goh to publicly slap Sitoh silly. Frankly you are insulting the residents' intelligence.
Old Man: Which seat will we loose. Tell me Bro. I will go there and do house to house.
Pres: Please lah boss, after the dialogue with the young Singaporeans even if you kiss their ass, its not going to help. You will be hard pressed to sell koyok. The vote has reached a new generation that don't take kindly to bullshit and fairy tales.
Old man: What fairy tales?
Pres: Your stories about riding the Tiger. The last I heard, Lenin, Mao and Stalin are ancient history. Chin is suntanning in a Thai peace village. China is riding the dollar bill. Lim Chin Siong and Devan passed away. Remember NKF and Durai's downfall was precipitated by a petition initiated by an NSman. Our Generation failed. In fact, when the writing was on the wall, Mrs Ah Goh and your daughter in law supported him. Fuck, we did nothing, absolutely nohting despite regulations to intervene in place.
Old Man: But the dialogue was a success. The journalists there wrote favourable articles.
Pres: Hello! At the start of the dialogue, they asked for a level playing field. In the middle of the dialogue, they asked for a level playing field. At the end of the dialogue, they asked for a level playing field. One, even told you to contribute out of the cabinet. For the very first time, you failed to convince anyone of them. Go watch the tape again. What happenned to you - you suddenly turned deaf and dumb.
Old man: but the favourable articles the next day.
Pres: Remember when I first retired, you made me Chairman of SPH, to keep an eye on them. Instead of wasting resources and time keeping track of everyone, once a week, I would ask a journalist walking along the corridor if I had lost weight. Guess what? Every single one of them said yes. I knew then that our job was done. You yourself said that they are world best paid journalist.
Old man: For heaven's sake, which seat are we going to loose. Is it Aljunied.
Pres: No Lah, George is safe. I will tell you on nomination day when they file their papers.
Old Man: You mean some of the key players have not made up their mind.
Pres: Yes, they are playing the game well. Look, more Singaporeans know more about Sylvia, Steve, Glenda and a host of other opposition characters then your new slate of 24 newbies. Every single one of them looks like a clone, talks like a clone and we are not sure if they going to last more than one term. They are supposed to represent a generation that gew up with starbucks and playstations. Yet during walkabout, they drink kopi si ans Teh Si at kopitiam.
Pres: What's more, the 23 that had to step down, claimed that they made the decision to step down citing family, work etc. Its worse then pigs flying, the party credibility is shot to pieces.
Pres: Boss, feeling thirsty and a bit hungry, let get some supper. We can talk over a hot cup of teh tarik
Old Man: I think I need Teh Halia, more kuat than usual.
Pres: Lets ask the security detail.
Old man: No way, after that mad girl gave away her gun, I scared one.
Pres: Ok, lets scale the wall
Old man: How the hell can a fat bastard like you can climb a wall.
Pres: Ok lah, take the side gate and wear devan's wigs. Outside Siglap and Adam Rd, I am not familiar with the food.
Old Man: Lets go to Koek Road, the teh tarik is good. Its just across the street, just have to dash across CTE. Next to it, the bbq stingray at Cuppage Plaza is a killer. Also its a good opportunity to get some feedback from the man in the street.
Pres: You really lost the plot. What man in the street. The only man in the street is an FT. Singaporeans are staying at home not able to spend as they have been retrenched or they are driving taxis or studying hard to get a scholarship or learning a new skill or having an RC meeting to get lobang.
Old man: What about the hawkers?
Pres: Aiyah, they are all Malaysians with PRC helpers. The fucking mama selling Teh Tarik is the only Singaporean and even he goes back to India every year to complete building a big house back in his village. He can't be bothered about HDB, CPF or medicare. Some more no Singapore women would allow their husband to venture out at night in case they get raped by China MeiMeis
Old man: How to get feedback then.
Pres: I get mine from Sammyboy.
Old man: Sammyboy again. I know, I know, there are great contributors and there are arseholes but are they really a true sounding board.
Pres: Oh Fuck, even SPH gets some its scoop from it. More people have corresponded with Goh Meng Seng than any MP. Just tolerate some of the characters in it. By the way, the old warhorse QXP is still there singing your family anthem. Then there is this guy who is fixated with Chee's wife. My favourite is Johnboy who gives as good as he gets.
Old Man: the only advise that i take is from Lambaste's grandmother.
Pres: Hey! how come I always wear the wig that has a reddish streak. I look gay.
Old Man: I say, we should have asked Othman Wok for some spare wigs. That guy has got the best set. By the way, make sure your sarong doesn't get caught by the side gate. The last time, my singlet got ripped by it.
Pres: Boss, please tell me you brought money this time.
Old man: Bloody hell we raised your salary, didn't we.
Pres: Hey, you mentioned that we have to cross the CTE. Imagine if an ex- banker who is a taxi driver spots us, we are dead. Sure ram us down.
Old man: I got an idea. Lets hold hands, they might think that we are a gay couple and leave us alone. Hurry, I can smell the stingray.
// 11:39 AM 
