Wednesday, April 26, 2006
Tales from the Istana - Part 6 (Sammyboy)
by scrobal
20 April 2006
99176.1
Last night , Sri Temasek, cloakroom - 7.30pm Temp 22 C
Old Man: psst, psst
Pres: Huh
Old Man: Over here, meet me tonight, same place, same time
Pres: Waah lau ahh, I thought it was Shenton Thomas' ghost. OK will see you there.
Behind Guardhouse at 11pm, Temp 24C, dead calm
Pres: Boss, whats with the cloakroom?
Old Man: I will explain later. Firstly I want you to be completely honest with me.
Pres: Boss, I have served you over 44 yrs, know of only one boss and thats you.
Old Man: Are you the one writing the Istana tales in Sammyboy.
Pres: Bloody Hell, I thought it was you. All the time I thought it was you.
Old man: Why would I want to air my views thru a sex forum
Pres: Look, I have been smoking beedi behind the guardhouse from the 1st week of my first term. You know my wife will brutalise me if she caught me smoking. The only time, the Tales appear is when I talk to you.
Old Man: You mean, there are others that join you behind the guardhouse.
Pres: Panjang used to come until he gave up his PMship. However he only comes to eat Orluck and Kway Chap. He gets his driver to buy Kway Chap from Blanco Court and the Orluck from Hup Kee at Newton Circus. Orluck on Tuesdays and Kway Chap on Thursday without fail except when he goes overseas. I also shiok, join in. Now you know why I put on so much weight.
Old man: If it is not you, then who. Anyway, the Ah Pek from Blanco Court has gone to Serangoon Gardens.
Pres: Aiyah, when Tengku threw us out of Malaysia, both sides put in so many bugs that we could not find all of them.
Old man: That time got bugging device meh.
Pres: Yah lah, they used to be the size of a palm so we had to bury it into the ground.
Pres: Aiyah nothing to worry. Nobody believes the things in a sex site forum anyway.
Old Man: Friend, that site gets about 48K hits a day. That is big.
Pres: So what, have you seen some of the idiots in the Sammyboy. If you say something, they want proof, copy of the orginal letter etc. This is despite what the whole knows as common knowledge. Thats the beauty of the forum the smart ones get the message and it is also the smart ones that get their message thru.
Old Man: Come to think, we are both past 80 and have nothing to loose.
Old man: Ok, now more importantly I have found the solution to the Sylvia Lim problem.
Pres: Tell me, this I got to hear.
Old Man: Before I tell you the solution there are couple of unanswered questions that I need answers to.
Pres: What?
Old man: How come at Koek Rd last night, the China meimeis were talking to you and ignored me.
Pres: Firstly they are Peidu mamas, the meimeis are at geylang, joo chiat and all the night spots. Secondly they thought you were a banana because of your ascent. For god's sake, you can drop the name Harry but you still speak like a cambridge graduate. The ladies are only interested in Singapore old men with CPF.
Old Man: I can't help it. How you think we got the British to give us Independence.
Pres: There you go again, talking about war stories. You have to be relevant for this generation.
Old Man: Aiyah, that's my solution, to be relevant to the new generation. You were right, the dialogue was bad. You remember Jamie Han
Pres: Sure do. Who doesn't
Old man: That guy gave me both barrels and was cool as a cucumber. He did not bat an eyelid. The best part is that he is not a scholar nor was he overseas trained. He is however academically an achiever having scored honours in history. Singaporeasn will love him.
Pres: You want Jamie Han to join the PAP?
Old man: Thats the reason I was in the cloakroom. I was using the phone to call him without anyone knowing.
Pres: Any luck.
Old Man: His Mother keeps answering the phone and everytime I introduce myself, she says that she is Zoe Tay and slams down the phone.
Pres: Boss, did you see Zoe Tay's abs. Kilat. My brother immediately mari kita, some more wear sari.
Old Man: Bro, can you keep your shrivelled up dick in your pants and pay attention.
Pres: What did you expect Jamie's mum to say.
Old Man: How then to contact Jamie.
Pres: What makes you think that he will want to join the PAP. He was all brimstone and fire. He is not going to change overnight like that skinny idiot.
Old Man: I am going to give him free rein. He does not have to wear white, drink teh si and suck up. That guy has got balls and he does not suffer fools easily.
Pres: You know what, the balls carriers at that time also called him rude and impolite like what they are doing to the dialogue participants
Old Man: There you have it. We just found the missing generation, the ones to take Singapore to the next level. If he does not want to join the pap, I will lower all the barriers, level the playing field and get these guys to jump into the Political cauldron. I am convinced that they will not sink and will do the country proud.
Pres: Boss, you are bringing tears to my eyes. Reminded me of the old days when we were all young, with the British, the Malayans and the Indonesian giving us not a ray of hope.
Pres: What about the PAP.
Old Man: If they are really good they have nothing to fear. Even if they don't measure up, they will make an effective opposition.
Pres: Finally a 2 party state. These are exciting times.
Old man: Don't get your hopes up, we still need to get past Zoe Tay, I mean Jamie's mum.
Pres: You know when we lost the 3 amigos, I thought we as a nation was a goner.
Old man: What 3 amigos?
Pres: Aiyah, Cheng Bock, Kai Yuen and Soo Khoon. They were the ones that asked the hard questions, kept the ministers and the scholarly Mandarins in check. It was a big mistake. You know the 3 of them did more than anyone else for the last 20 years.
Old Man: Yah, I remember Cheng Bock crucified Philip Yeo over the Horn Lee / scholarship issue. Look I don't run the show.
Pres: Come on. Even during the dialogue, the guy told you about pulling the strings. When the Malaysian SIA pilot Ryan Goh, tried to be funny, you came out swinging. I was smoking behind the guardhouse and I saw the pilots leaving, it was like watching a funeral cortege.
Pres: You think we can make it to Chomp Chomp for the Kway Chap.
Old Man: No lah, close by now. Lets go back for the stingray.
Pres: We only go back for the stingray if you promise not to squeeze the lime dry. That lime is for taste. Your whole life, you must squeeze until there is nothing to squeeze.
Old man: Ok lah. Anyway, I brought money this time. I also want to use the public phone to try to get Jamie.
Pres: Good luck with the phone. There will be a long queue as every bangla, pinoy, croatian, russian. english, american FT is calling home.
Old man: English and Americans are expats, they don't need to use the public phone.
Pres: You are really out of touch. Why you think the locals are unhappy. We even give employment pass to rednecks from Alabama, whose life is a pendulumn swinging between a fart and a burp while holding a budweiser.
Old Man: Aiyah hurry up.
Pres: Give me 10 minutes, I need to change to a new sarong. I don't want the Peidu mamas to think I got no class.
Old man: I too better change my singlet. That reminds me, we need to talk about Joo Chiat and Soo Sen when we reach there.
20 April 2006
99176.1
Last night , Sri Temasek, cloakroom - 7.30pm Temp 22 C
Old Man: psst, psst
Pres: Huh
Old Man: Over here, meet me tonight, same place, same time
Pres: Waah lau ahh, I thought it was Shenton Thomas' ghost. OK will see you there.
Behind Guardhouse at 11pm, Temp 24C, dead calm
Pres: Boss, whats with the cloakroom?
Old Man: I will explain later. Firstly I want you to be completely honest with me.
Pres: Boss, I have served you over 44 yrs, know of only one boss and thats you.
Old Man: Are you the one writing the Istana tales in Sammyboy.
Pres: Bloody Hell, I thought it was you. All the time I thought it was you.
Old man: Why would I want to air my views thru a sex forum
Pres: Look, I have been smoking beedi behind the guardhouse from the 1st week of my first term. You know my wife will brutalise me if she caught me smoking. The only time, the Tales appear is when I talk to you.
Old Man: You mean, there are others that join you behind the guardhouse.
Pres: Panjang used to come until he gave up his PMship. However he only comes to eat Orluck and Kway Chap. He gets his driver to buy Kway Chap from Blanco Court and the Orluck from Hup Kee at Newton Circus. Orluck on Tuesdays and Kway Chap on Thursday without fail except when he goes overseas. I also shiok, join in. Now you know why I put on so much weight.
Old man: If it is not you, then who. Anyway, the Ah Pek from Blanco Court has gone to Serangoon Gardens.
Pres: Aiyah, when Tengku threw us out of Malaysia, both sides put in so many bugs that we could not find all of them.
Old man: That time got bugging device meh.
Pres: Yah lah, they used to be the size of a palm so we had to bury it into the ground.
Pres: Aiyah nothing to worry. Nobody believes the things in a sex site forum anyway.
Old Man: Friend, that site gets about 48K hits a day. That is big.
Pres: So what, have you seen some of the idiots in the Sammyboy. If you say something, they want proof, copy of the orginal letter etc. This is despite what the whole knows as common knowledge. Thats the beauty of the forum the smart ones get the message and it is also the smart ones that get their message thru.
Old Man: Come to think, we are both past 80 and have nothing to loose.
Old man: Ok, now more importantly I have found the solution to the Sylvia Lim problem.
Pres: Tell me, this I got to hear.
Old Man: Before I tell you the solution there are couple of unanswered questions that I need answers to.
Pres: What?
Old man: How come at Koek Rd last night, the China meimeis were talking to you and ignored me.
Pres: Firstly they are Peidu mamas, the meimeis are at geylang, joo chiat and all the night spots. Secondly they thought you were a banana because of your ascent. For god's sake, you can drop the name Harry but you still speak like a cambridge graduate. The ladies are only interested in Singapore old men with CPF.
Old Man: I can't help it. How you think we got the British to give us Independence.
Pres: There you go again, talking about war stories. You have to be relevant for this generation.
Old Man: Aiyah, that's my solution, to be relevant to the new generation. You were right, the dialogue was bad. You remember Jamie Han
Pres: Sure do. Who doesn't
Old man: That guy gave me both barrels and was cool as a cucumber. He did not bat an eyelid. The best part is that he is not a scholar nor was he overseas trained. He is however academically an achiever having scored honours in history. Singaporeasn will love him.
Pres: You want Jamie Han to join the PAP?
Old man: Thats the reason I was in the cloakroom. I was using the phone to call him without anyone knowing.
Pres: Any luck.
Old Man: His Mother keeps answering the phone and everytime I introduce myself, she says that she is Zoe Tay and slams down the phone.
Pres: Boss, did you see Zoe Tay's abs. Kilat. My brother immediately mari kita, some more wear sari.
Old Man: Bro, can you keep your shrivelled up dick in your pants and pay attention.
Pres: What did you expect Jamie's mum to say.
Old Man: How then to contact Jamie.
Pres: What makes you think that he will want to join the PAP. He was all brimstone and fire. He is not going to change overnight like that skinny idiot.
Old Man: I am going to give him free rein. He does not have to wear white, drink teh si and suck up. That guy has got balls and he does not suffer fools easily.
Pres: You know what, the balls carriers at that time also called him rude and impolite like what they are doing to the dialogue participants
Old Man: There you have it. We just found the missing generation, the ones to take Singapore to the next level. If he does not want to join the pap, I will lower all the barriers, level the playing field and get these guys to jump into the Political cauldron. I am convinced that they will not sink and will do the country proud.
Pres: Boss, you are bringing tears to my eyes. Reminded me of the old days when we were all young, with the British, the Malayans and the Indonesian giving us not a ray of hope.
Pres: What about the PAP.
Old Man: If they are really good they have nothing to fear. Even if they don't measure up, they will make an effective opposition.
Pres: Finally a 2 party state. These are exciting times.
Old man: Don't get your hopes up, we still need to get past Zoe Tay, I mean Jamie's mum.
Pres: You know when we lost the 3 amigos, I thought we as a nation was a goner.
Old man: What 3 amigos?
Pres: Aiyah, Cheng Bock, Kai Yuen and Soo Khoon. They were the ones that asked the hard questions, kept the ministers and the scholarly Mandarins in check. It was a big mistake. You know the 3 of them did more than anyone else for the last 20 years.
Old Man: Yah, I remember Cheng Bock crucified Philip Yeo over the Horn Lee / scholarship issue. Look I don't run the show.
Pres: Come on. Even during the dialogue, the guy told you about pulling the strings. When the Malaysian SIA pilot Ryan Goh, tried to be funny, you came out swinging. I was smoking behind the guardhouse and I saw the pilots leaving, it was like watching a funeral cortege.
Pres: You think we can make it to Chomp Chomp for the Kway Chap.
Old Man: No lah, close by now. Lets go back for the stingray.
Pres: We only go back for the stingray if you promise not to squeeze the lime dry. That lime is for taste. Your whole life, you must squeeze until there is nothing to squeeze.
Old man: Ok lah. Anyway, I brought money this time. I also want to use the public phone to try to get Jamie.
Pres: Good luck with the phone. There will be a long queue as every bangla, pinoy, croatian, russian. english, american FT is calling home.
Old man: English and Americans are expats, they don't need to use the public phone.
Pres: You are really out of touch. Why you think the locals are unhappy. We even give employment pass to rednecks from Alabama, whose life is a pendulumn swinging between a fart and a burp while holding a budweiser.
Old Man: Aiyah hurry up.
Pres: Give me 10 minutes, I need to change to a new sarong. I don't want the Peidu mamas to think I got no class.
Old man: I too better change my singlet. That reminds me, we need to talk about Joo Chiat and Soo Sen when we reach there.
// 4:50 PM 
