Monday, August 21, 2006
Tales from the Istana - Part 10 (Sammyboy)
by scrobal
21 August 2006
115221.1
Behind the Guardhouse: 11pm, 24C, strong winds from the East.
Old Man: Bro, get the ladder.
Pres: Is Othman coming
Old Man: No Lah, after the bomoh story he is not coming here. Its HL.
Pres: What happenned, did she throw him out of the bedroom again.
Aiyah, tell him to get personal protection order. This is getting too much.
Old Man : Shadup lah, this is serious, I asked him to come. We both got to help him. Its probably the worst political crisis we going to face. There may be riots soon.
Pres: Oh Fuck, Boss, don't tel me that it is the see hum fuckup.
Old Man: Yah Lah Bro. Pai seh. My mother is turning in her grave.
Old man: Hurry up lah, to the western wall.
Western Wall: 11.05pm
HL: psst, psst. Dad, you there
Old Man: Yah, hold on, M is raising the ladder. Meantime, scale up using the creepers.
Behind the Guardhouse:
Old man: What the hell happenned to you. Where mee siam got hum. You blursotong or wat?
HL: I meant Laksa. It was a slip
Old Man: Don't talk cock. When it comes to local dishes there is no such thing as a slip.
HL: No big issue. Some people might like hum in their mee siam
Old Man: Wahlow-ooh. You stupid or wat? You making my blood boil. Don't let me take out my belt and give you 5 of the best right here and now.
Pres: HL, this is indeed serious. Only food has kept this country united, nothing else has. We kept the prices of egg, pork, fruits cheap. You know why - if their stomach are full and the food is great, they are unlikely to start a revolution. Did you not realise that our basket of food in the CPI index is basically stagnant despite all other thing going sky high.
Old Man: Ever heard of pork briani, orange bandung, chicken pieces in Kway Teow.
HL: I ate Kway Teow in Australia with chicken pieces.
Old man: You going to get it now.
Pres: Easy boss, let me talk to him.
Pres: HL. You are the PM of Singapore. I expected better from you. Years ago, Keng Swee said that there is no sacred cows in politics. Well he was wrong. Food is a sacred cow. We can get Singaporeans to do 4 year NS, we can hang people for road rage, all we get in protest is a couple of jokers carrying placards. If the ST writes about disquiet, we challenge the journalist to name the ones who complained and they clamp up. Food on the other hand is a no go zone. When we first resettled people after the Bukit Ho Swee fire, they bought into the idea readily after we said that we will ensure that Tiong Bahru market will have the best hawker centre. Ever since all grassroots leader make sure that at any onetime there are no empty stalls in a hawker centre. Have you seen one before.
HL: How now.
Old man: I was thinking of getting him to resign to cut our losses.
HL:Pa. don't be like that Pa. Give me chance, can or not.
Pres: Aiyah, give him a chance. We will take him to our favourite food haunts and he will not screw up again.
HL: Actually what is mee siam. In Catholic High got no mee siam. But my favorite is Kway Teow with hum.
Old Man:: It not only the food, the other parts of the speech not swee also.
Pres: What are other part.
Old Man: Bro, wat the fuck we make you president and you don't know what he said.
Pres: I heard the speech but it sounded alright except for the hum in the mee siam
Old man: Do you know who is David Gan
Pres: who donno David. I ever go to him but he said that I look funny if I perm my hair because I too short. So one season I dye my hair but the guy quite ex you know.
Old man: Tell me, is he a foreign talent. For christ sake, no one has heard of him outside Singapore. Even the Malaysians got no clue about him. Any thinking man with half a brain will be wondering what the hell Philip Yeo was doing with the millions when we end up showcasing David Gan as a talent. Its a joke.
Pres: You are right boss. He also left out of Sammyboy. Go an mention Mr Brown, Talking cock .
HL: Wat is sammyboy huh?
Old man: HL, Sammyboy is the only forum that is not regulated or controlled. People speak their minds. They share their joy and their despair without having to be politically correct.If I want an honest opinion, I get it from Sammyboy. Try acting smart in sammyboy and they will cut yo down to size.
Pres: It is the most valuable gauge that this country has seen.
HL: I never heard of it.
Old Man: The trouble with you is that you allow that woman to install those internet filter to protect the kids and its blocks sammyblock.
HL How good is it.
Old man: Look, just the other day, I sent out a post on how long people use their underwear and I got many down to earth responses. Has ST ever done such a survey.
Pres: Yah, its a no holds barred forum. Even the ST regulary quotes from it.
HL: I thought Mr Brown was highwater mark for dissent.
Old Man: Pleese, that guy is a lovable chap. Any mother in law would love him. The guy has no evil bone in him.
HL: Oh Fuck. I think I really fucked up.
Pres: You know something, even Ah Goh speeches were more inspiring.
Old Man: So how, do we throw him out.
Pres: Wat about Choo
Old Man: You just killed my appetite for Bak Chor Mee. Ok forget about throwing him out. Plan B.
HL: Wat's Plan B.
Pres: I know, get the grassroots to get the hawkers to start putting hum in Mee Siam.
Old Man: I think I need to give you the 5 lashes. You need it more than HL.
HL: Maybe I send out a correction. You know I did it when I mention the word "fix" and Singaporeans accepted that.
Pres: You know I think he is right. It about time that we respect our citizens as equals.
Old Man: Give me the belt, you are really asking for it. You know I can out run you, you fat bastard.
21 August 2006
115221.1
Behind the Guardhouse: 11pm, 24C, strong winds from the East.
Old Man: Bro, get the ladder.
Pres: Is Othman coming
Old Man: No Lah, after the bomoh story he is not coming here. Its HL.
Pres: What happenned, did she throw him out of the bedroom again.
Aiyah, tell him to get personal protection order. This is getting too much.
Old Man : Shadup lah, this is serious, I asked him to come. We both got to help him. Its probably the worst political crisis we going to face. There may be riots soon.
Pres: Oh Fuck, Boss, don't tel me that it is the see hum fuckup.
Old Man: Yah Lah Bro. Pai seh. My mother is turning in her grave.
Old man: Hurry up lah, to the western wall.
Western Wall: 11.05pm
HL: psst, psst. Dad, you there
Old Man: Yah, hold on, M is raising the ladder. Meantime, scale up using the creepers.
Behind the Guardhouse:
Old man: What the hell happenned to you. Where mee siam got hum. You blursotong or wat?
HL: I meant Laksa. It was a slip
Old Man: Don't talk cock. When it comes to local dishes there is no such thing as a slip.
HL: No big issue. Some people might like hum in their mee siam
Old Man: Wahlow-ooh. You stupid or wat? You making my blood boil. Don't let me take out my belt and give you 5 of the best right here and now.
Pres: HL, this is indeed serious. Only food has kept this country united, nothing else has. We kept the prices of egg, pork, fruits cheap. You know why - if their stomach are full and the food is great, they are unlikely to start a revolution. Did you not realise that our basket of food in the CPI index is basically stagnant despite all other thing going sky high.
Old Man: Ever heard of pork briani, orange bandung, chicken pieces in Kway Teow.
HL: I ate Kway Teow in Australia with chicken pieces.
Old man: You going to get it now.
Pres: Easy boss, let me talk to him.
Pres: HL. You are the PM of Singapore. I expected better from you. Years ago, Keng Swee said that there is no sacred cows in politics. Well he was wrong. Food is a sacred cow. We can get Singaporeans to do 4 year NS, we can hang people for road rage, all we get in protest is a couple of jokers carrying placards. If the ST writes about disquiet, we challenge the journalist to name the ones who complained and they clamp up. Food on the other hand is a no go zone. When we first resettled people after the Bukit Ho Swee fire, they bought into the idea readily after we said that we will ensure that Tiong Bahru market will have the best hawker centre. Ever since all grassroots leader make sure that at any onetime there are no empty stalls in a hawker centre. Have you seen one before.
HL: How now.
Old man: I was thinking of getting him to resign to cut our losses.
HL:Pa. don't be like that Pa. Give me chance, can or not.
Pres: Aiyah, give him a chance. We will take him to our favourite food haunts and he will not screw up again.
HL: Actually what is mee siam. In Catholic High got no mee siam. But my favorite is Kway Teow with hum.
Old Man:: It not only the food, the other parts of the speech not swee also.
Pres: What are other part.
Old Man: Bro, wat the fuck we make you president and you don't know what he said.
Pres: I heard the speech but it sounded alright except for the hum in the mee siam
Old man: Do you know who is David Gan
Pres: who donno David. I ever go to him but he said that I look funny if I perm my hair because I too short. So one season I dye my hair but the guy quite ex you know.
Old man: Tell me, is he a foreign talent. For christ sake, no one has heard of him outside Singapore. Even the Malaysians got no clue about him. Any thinking man with half a brain will be wondering what the hell Philip Yeo was doing with the millions when we end up showcasing David Gan as a talent. Its a joke.
Pres: You are right boss. He also left out of Sammyboy. Go an mention Mr Brown, Talking cock .
HL: Wat is sammyboy huh?
Old man: HL, Sammyboy is the only forum that is not regulated or controlled. People speak their minds. They share their joy and their despair without having to be politically correct.If I want an honest opinion, I get it from Sammyboy. Try acting smart in sammyboy and they will cut yo down to size.
Pres: It is the most valuable gauge that this country has seen.
HL: I never heard of it.
Old Man: The trouble with you is that you allow that woman to install those internet filter to protect the kids and its blocks sammyblock.
HL How good is it.
Old man: Look, just the other day, I sent out a post on how long people use their underwear and I got many down to earth responses. Has ST ever done such a survey.
Pres: Yah, its a no holds barred forum. Even the ST regulary quotes from it.
HL: I thought Mr Brown was highwater mark for dissent.
Old Man: Pleese, that guy is a lovable chap. Any mother in law would love him. The guy has no evil bone in him.
HL: Oh Fuck. I think I really fucked up.
Pres: You know something, even Ah Goh speeches were more inspiring.
Old Man: So how, do we throw him out.
Pres: Wat about Choo
Old Man: You just killed my appetite for Bak Chor Mee. Ok forget about throwing him out. Plan B.
HL: Wat's Plan B.
Pres: I know, get the grassroots to get the hawkers to start putting hum in Mee Siam.
Old Man: I think I need to give you the 5 lashes. You need it more than HL.
HL: Maybe I send out a correction. You know I did it when I mention the word "fix" and Singaporeans accepted that.
Pres: You know I think he is right. It about time that we respect our citizens as equals.
Old Man: Give me the belt, you are really asking for it. You know I can out run you, you fat bastard.
// 9:07 PM 
