Friday, August 25, 2006
Tales from the Istana - Part 11 (Sammyboy)
by scrobal
25 August 2006
115631.1
West Wing, the Jade Bedroom, 6.45am - Sun's ray creeping slowing across the room thru the french windows.
Mrs Pres: Deh, wake up, I heard something hit the windows. Can you check.
Pres: Please lah, you are hallucinating again. I did not hear it. Let me sleep another 5 minutes.
Mrs Pres: Aiyoh, I heard it again, someone is throwing stones at the window.
Pres: Let me check.
Old Man: psst, psst, meet me same place but at 10.15pm
Pres: ok
Mrs Pres: What was it
Pres: No lah, just the gardener clearing the ground below.
Behind the Guradhouse, 10.15pm, 22C, cool light breeze, smell of teh gayong drifting from the guardhouse with dash of laksa lemak hanging in the air
Pres: What's up. Why the hurry
Old Man: Sorry, I had to rush for my medical and my calendar was full and had to let you know early.
Pres: You know I alwasy will be here by 11pm if I am not at Ceylon Road
Old Man: Aiyah Bro, I am still under curfew. Got to get back by midnight and I got a lot on my mind.
Pres: What on your mind mind.
Old Man: Its Black Eyed Peas and their song "My Humps" continously playing in my mind. I havent' slept for 2 days. Its driving me crazy.
Pres: I got news for you - you are not the only one. I think half the nation is having that song played in their mind. Boss, but I got to tell you that stacy ferguson is one solid chick. Did you know that she got Red Indian blood in her mixed with Irish or something.
Old Man: Bro, you know I was never into pop culture until I saw fergie and now I am a hip hop fan. Its also easy on our bones as you only have to sway to the beat, no need to lift your feet.
Pres: I know, I know, cool ain't it.
Old man: Shit, Bro, you always side track me. I am serious. What can we do about Mr Brown.
Pres: Boss, you got to admit, both he and Mr Miyagi did a fabulous job with that podcast. Jean Paul Satre will be delighted. Did you know that kids love it but they have no clue but they are delighted that its the PM singing.
Old man: Look, I admit that HL made a mistake raising the Ba Chor mee epsiode, but this guys riposte was unbelievable. We are the laughing stock of the nation.
Pres: You know boss, if you think about it, compared to Mr Brown, Chee is harmless. Instead of chasing him from pillar to post, should have left him to his own devices. He does not resonate with the man in the street.
Old man: Aiyah, my whole world is topsy turvy. No other person including JB or Tang made us look this silly. We need to neutralise this and real quick.
Pres: I can tell you now that it will not happen.
Old man: Why not Bro.
Pres: We have achievers in Govt and in the civil service and we associate ourselves with achievers. Our gauge starts with perfect scores in the A Level and we don't make allowance for raw talent, the committed and the concern. Look how we responded to Mr Brown when his article came out in Today - no class, very brash and very authoritarian. Why do we pay someone so highly for writing trash
Old Man: We had to do it, he played outside the boundaries.
Pres: I know that and I also know that we had to cut him off. However as I said before - there are many ways to skin a cat but we don't have the talent to do it. For Heaven's sake, this guy publishes his family photos on the web. One look and you know he has the model family. We whack like he was dressed in storm tropper grab, with nazi insignias and tattoos. And that is not appreciated.
Old Man: So how Bro. Let him go?
Pres: Let start being transparent. Lets not hold parties in Zouk or to try to act cool, lets not wear white belt, white shoes and try to appear glam. Lets also not tell the people how we catch spiders and play with kampong kids. For christ sake, we got post 65 MPs telling about kampongs when most Singaporeans only remember HDB estates. Lets avoid Laksa, Mee Siam, Koh Loh Mee and Telok Tahu as well.
Old Man: I see your point. Lets not pretend who we are and lets bring in capbale people who might not have the formal grades.
Pres: Lets also give people like Chee a little space, he is a good diversion.
Old Man: You know WP and the rest of the AP have to be careful, they are now playing our game.
Pres: I won't even go there. Parliament has not even sat, yet Sylvia Lim is hopping the limelight.
Old Man: Yah, the media is not favouring us.
Pres: Pleeeez, those assholes buried HL good and proper coming out with the Mee Siam mai Hiam. Which idiot orders Mee Siam by saying that. Clearly they are trying to suck up and they also proved that they they have no clue about Hokkein, the food and what people do. At least HL had more class and sent in a correction. Those assholes still did not apologise to HL for making him look silly.
Old Man: I got a brilliant idea. Its a killer,Bro.
Pres: Oh No, don't try and assassinate Mr Brown.
Old man: No you idiot, lets slowly make him the editor of ST. We will kill 2 birds with one stone. Get rid of balls carrying assholes and put a genuine talent in their place.
Pres: Marvellous. Now I know why you are the boss.
Old man: I always knew I had it. In all my National Rallys, I always uncovered new grounds, did paradigm shifts and people took notice. I was the best.
Pres: Aiyah, you are loosing the plot. Its a digital age, podcast are in and we need the talent to mix music and come across well.
Old Man: Lets start now, I can borrow my granson's audio mixer, get couple of songs and do own podcast, blogs and we are in business. After all, all we do is talk cock.
Pres: Why don't we get Philip as well. He always seems to know the shortcuts. He might even entice Mr Miyagi to cross over
Old man: I want to do it the old fashion way. I am not interested in hiring foreign talent when we have not tried. Look at our Sports. We bring in talent and they are suing us desite doing shit. In sports you can't hide. If you did not win, you did not win and you are loser. No one can cover for you and find excuses.
Pres: Boss, you know I prefer Bon Jovi as the background music and can I be Mr Miyagi
Old Man: Not a problem bro, as along we agree that I will be Mr Brown
GuardHouse 2nd Shift Commander: I am fed up with you two. Everynight talking cock. Somemore, me and my men have to listen to the bullshit day in and day out. Can you guys fuck off from here.
Old Man: Ok lah, sorry, we are going.
Pres: How come you let the fellow get away like that.
Old Man: You are fine one to talk. You know that he has the confidence of both our wives and he is the one who got me the curfew.
Pres: Fucking no peace even outside the bedroom. Lets go have supper. I am dying for you know what
Old man: I too am thinking the same thing. Call Othman on the phone and pick us up at the Western wall.
Pres: We might have a problem. I heard that Mee Siam, Laksa and Bar Chor Mee all finishing fast. We have to hurry.
25 August 2006
115631.1
West Wing, the Jade Bedroom, 6.45am - Sun's ray creeping slowing across the room thru the french windows.
Mrs Pres: Deh, wake up, I heard something hit the windows. Can you check.
Pres: Please lah, you are hallucinating again. I did not hear it. Let me sleep another 5 minutes.
Mrs Pres: Aiyoh, I heard it again, someone is throwing stones at the window.
Pres: Let me check.
Old Man: psst, psst, meet me same place but at 10.15pm
Pres: ok
Mrs Pres: What was it
Pres: No lah, just the gardener clearing the ground below.
Behind the Guradhouse, 10.15pm, 22C, cool light breeze, smell of teh gayong drifting from the guardhouse with dash of laksa lemak hanging in the air
Pres: What's up. Why the hurry
Old Man: Sorry, I had to rush for my medical and my calendar was full and had to let you know early.
Pres: You know I alwasy will be here by 11pm if I am not at Ceylon Road
Old Man: Aiyah Bro, I am still under curfew. Got to get back by midnight and I got a lot on my mind.
Pres: What on your mind mind.
Old Man: Its Black Eyed Peas and their song "My Humps" continously playing in my mind. I havent' slept for 2 days. Its driving me crazy.
Pres: I got news for you - you are not the only one. I think half the nation is having that song played in their mind. Boss, but I got to tell you that stacy ferguson is one solid chick. Did you know that she got Red Indian blood in her mixed with Irish or something.
Old Man: Bro, you know I was never into pop culture until I saw fergie and now I am a hip hop fan. Its also easy on our bones as you only have to sway to the beat, no need to lift your feet.
Pres: I know, I know, cool ain't it.
Old man: Shit, Bro, you always side track me. I am serious. What can we do about Mr Brown.
Pres: Boss, you got to admit, both he and Mr Miyagi did a fabulous job with that podcast. Jean Paul Satre will be delighted. Did you know that kids love it but they have no clue but they are delighted that its the PM singing.
Old man: Look, I admit that HL made a mistake raising the Ba Chor mee epsiode, but this guys riposte was unbelievable. We are the laughing stock of the nation.
Pres: You know boss, if you think about it, compared to Mr Brown, Chee is harmless. Instead of chasing him from pillar to post, should have left him to his own devices. He does not resonate with the man in the street.
Old man: Aiyah, my whole world is topsy turvy. No other person including JB or Tang made us look this silly. We need to neutralise this and real quick.
Pres: I can tell you now that it will not happen.
Old man: Why not Bro.
Pres: We have achievers in Govt and in the civil service and we associate ourselves with achievers. Our gauge starts with perfect scores in the A Level and we don't make allowance for raw talent, the committed and the concern. Look how we responded to Mr Brown when his article came out in Today - no class, very brash and very authoritarian. Why do we pay someone so highly for writing trash
Old Man: We had to do it, he played outside the boundaries.
Pres: I know that and I also know that we had to cut him off. However as I said before - there are many ways to skin a cat but we don't have the talent to do it. For Heaven's sake, this guy publishes his family photos on the web. One look and you know he has the model family. We whack like he was dressed in storm tropper grab, with nazi insignias and tattoos. And that is not appreciated.
Old Man: So how Bro. Let him go?
Pres: Let start being transparent. Lets not hold parties in Zouk or to try to act cool, lets not wear white belt, white shoes and try to appear glam. Lets also not tell the people how we catch spiders and play with kampong kids. For christ sake, we got post 65 MPs telling about kampongs when most Singaporeans only remember HDB estates. Lets avoid Laksa, Mee Siam, Koh Loh Mee and Telok Tahu as well.
Old Man: I see your point. Lets not pretend who we are and lets bring in capbale people who might not have the formal grades.
Pres: Lets also give people like Chee a little space, he is a good diversion.
Old Man: You know WP and the rest of the AP have to be careful, they are now playing our game.
Pres: I won't even go there. Parliament has not even sat, yet Sylvia Lim is hopping the limelight.
Old Man: Yah, the media is not favouring us.
Pres: Pleeeez, those assholes buried HL good and proper coming out with the Mee Siam mai Hiam. Which idiot orders Mee Siam by saying that. Clearly they are trying to suck up and they also proved that they they have no clue about Hokkein, the food and what people do. At least HL had more class and sent in a correction. Those assholes still did not apologise to HL for making him look silly.
Old Man: I got a brilliant idea. Its a killer,Bro.
Pres: Oh No, don't try and assassinate Mr Brown.
Old man: No you idiot, lets slowly make him the editor of ST. We will kill 2 birds with one stone. Get rid of balls carrying assholes and put a genuine talent in their place.
Pres: Marvellous. Now I know why you are the boss.
Old man: I always knew I had it. In all my National Rallys, I always uncovered new grounds, did paradigm shifts and people took notice. I was the best.
Pres: Aiyah, you are loosing the plot. Its a digital age, podcast are in and we need the talent to mix music and come across well.
Old Man: Lets start now, I can borrow my granson's audio mixer, get couple of songs and do own podcast, blogs and we are in business. After all, all we do is talk cock.
Pres: Why don't we get Philip as well. He always seems to know the shortcuts. He might even entice Mr Miyagi to cross over
Old man: I want to do it the old fashion way. I am not interested in hiring foreign talent when we have not tried. Look at our Sports. We bring in talent and they are suing us desite doing shit. In sports you can't hide. If you did not win, you did not win and you are loser. No one can cover for you and find excuses.
Pres: Boss, you know I prefer Bon Jovi as the background music and can I be Mr Miyagi
Old Man: Not a problem bro, as along we agree that I will be Mr Brown
GuardHouse 2nd Shift Commander: I am fed up with you two. Everynight talking cock. Somemore, me and my men have to listen to the bullshit day in and day out. Can you guys fuck off from here.
Old Man: Ok lah, sorry, we are going.
Pres: How come you let the fellow get away like that.
Old Man: You are fine one to talk. You know that he has the confidence of both our wives and he is the one who got me the curfew.
Pres: Fucking no peace even outside the bedroom. Lets go have supper. I am dying for you know what
Old man: I too am thinking the same thing. Call Othman on the phone and pick us up at the Western wall.
Pres: We might have a problem. I heard that Mee Siam, Laksa and Bar Chor Mee all finishing fast. We have to hurry.
// 3:42 PM 
