Monday, August 07, 2006
Tales from the Istana - Part 8 (Sammyboy)
by scrobal
6 August 2006
113709.1
Samy's Curry, East Coast Rd, Old Joo Chiat Police Stn: 10.00pm, 20C, aircon, soft Indian music permeating the air
Old Man: I say Bang, trust you to find a good spot.
Pres: Yah lah, good choice, Bang.
Wok: No one will recognise us here because the lights are dim
Old Man: I thought it was in dempsey road, did they shift.
Wok: 2nd outlet
Old Man: Did you know every tom, dick and harry in Govt used to go to Samy's at least once a month. Sometime our cainet meeting gets screwed up because these buggers eat a lot and then can't keep a awake.
Wok: thats why they called it "pukul mati"
Pres: Boss, I think we can speak more freely here. In case you did not realise none of our conversations appear in sammyboy when we scale the Istana wall and leave for supper.
Old Man: You are right. ActuallyI told Bang to pick us up early from the western wall to provide a change of scenery. Quite borring that the tales always start at the Istana Guardhouse. After what you said, maybe I screwed it up.
Pres: Aiyah, good opportunity to ask some personal question. Bang, do you use viagra.
Wok: no lah, gua natural. Look after your body and sleep early to give it a good rest. That's why I was pleased when Harry called and asked me to come early. By the way, I called Eddie. He said if he can get a lift, he will drop by.
Old Man: Look, no doctor will give an old man viagara. Your best chance is across the causeway.
Pres: you lucky, your daughter is a doctor.
Old Man: Friend, I told you many times, I only climax every 5 years when we win the election.
Old Man: By the way, did you see our SPH Malaysia bureau chief article on facts and fiction on the internet.
Pres: Good work and covered all angles without imposing his own agenda. Some more did not talk about a journalist holding the monopoly on information exchange like some dumb prick that we have here.
Wok: Why you fellas still in politics. Give it rest. There is a time and place for everything. Learn to smell roses, let others take over. Ahhhh, he is Eddie. Good to see you Ed. Here, sit sit here and give me your walking stick.
Eddie: Wah lan, how come got reunion. Good to see you fuckers.
Old Man: so how are you. Who dropped you off.
Eddie: Tired of waiting for the family, I just called a cab. Not bad, the guy spoke English, certainly better than the school principals that we have.
Old Man: Eddie, don't start. You and Raja gave me hell everytime I raised the language issue in cabinet.
Eddie : You explain to me why the standard of written and spoken english has dropped so badly.
Old Man: Aiyah, why look at me, I don't run the show anymore.
Pres: Boss, pleeez - you are still in cabinet
Old man: Bro, don't be an arsehole.
WoK: Also don't be like like Mahathir, retire but give heavy artillery from the sidelines
Old Man:that not my style.
Eddie: So when will you place your trust with Singaporeans
Old man: Guys, let be fair here. Isn't Singapore a better place by most standards
Eddie: That's my point. When will you trust Singaporeans to take over from you.
Pres: Hey, the Madras mutton is getting cold and no one is eating it.
Wok: Bro, its a dynamite in your body. Just stick to Chicken and fish.
Old Man: Fellas, I already have a stent in me, I get one more bloackage and Choo will know that I have been scaling the fence again. I have to pass. You kin wacked with a frying pan once, and beleive me, you will toe the line.
Eddie: I too pass, can't chew anymore, the gigi will fly if attack from the wrong angle.
Pres: You guys can sure screw up a good meal. I just lost my appetite.
Wok: Eddie I was telling these bozos to take it easy. When there was a fight we were there. Remember KL - Raja, Keng Swee, Ah Chye and you Eddie writing the separation agreement. We fought hard, got a compromise and we began building the country.
Eddie: I don't think we finished what we started. We did not integrate singapore into a homogenenous society: We are still separated by race and religion.
Old Man: Ok Eddie, let me tell you where I have failed. Its is exactly that. And I will be honest, I can't work out the solution. Its a political timebomb. I thought I was gong to be assasinated when I closed down the Chinese stream education in 81 and merged Nanthah and Nus.
Eddie: So what's next
Old Man: You know when we started on this journey in 65, the Malay community spoke Malay predominently, Chinese began speaking English while Indians spoke english competently and the Eurasions had their distinct brand of English. The written form was universal British Straits Settlement version. In 2003, the Malays speak English within the household and in their community except in the presence of their elders. The Chinese have resorted to Mandarin as their medium and the Indians have lost their command of English. Get into a bus, the MRT, the foodcourt and you will realise the change and I can't figure it out. Read the forum page, more mina and mahchik writing with good english. Seems that Malay will be the new elite. By the way, Eddie can't you your Gragoh gang to take care of the ball licking nitwit Lionel.
Wok: So how.
Old Man: I thought we will evole like the US, Australia, UK where second generation migrants speak very good English and in the same style. Here however we still can tell the race by the way the language is spoken and even written.
Wok: We need a truly Singaporean identity
Eddie: Spot on. Something that the people are proud of.
Pres: I always suggested use our food as our national identifier.
Old Man: Bro, can you shut the fuck-up. Stop thinking with your stomach. You sound like STPB, who still can't think out of the box.
Eddie: What about the orchid
Old Man: NTUC fucked it up. They ran it up the flagpole and now people think that the Orchid motiff is NTUC coporate wardrope. There is still the Singapore girl in her Sarong Kebaya, the merlion, we lost bugis street but after that the well dries up.
Eddie: It reminds me of Yeo Hiap Seng. Soya bean was a winner and its was homegrown and it took only until recently for them to realise that the local coconut with pulp in a can is saleable.
Wok: what about chysanthemum tea.
Harry: Aiyah, thats from China. Eddie you are right. They had chicken curry in a can and they had it long before the Indians in Britain built up an empire on canned and package curries. We always seem to find out solutions elsewhere.
Pres: Not to mention our fucked up journalists. Instead of contributing with original ideas and thoughts, they will ask how high everytime we asked them to jump.
Wok: Frankly have our journalist ever contributed any ideas.
Eddie: I always felt that we should open our media and if they err, we correct them, if they don't listen let our boys in ISD sort them out.
Pres: Yah lah, ISD is so fucking bored that will jump in. Lets also get the bastard who keeps recording our conversations and lock him up as well.
Old Man: Bro, don't be fucking idiot. You want to lock him about for reporting ad verbatim what we said.
Pres: oh oh, ok.
Wok: I don't get it Eddie, you want to open it up and then use the ISD.
Eddie: What I am saying is that we have to be brave and open. Take the gamble for the sake of the nation's sanity. I am confident that there will be sensible people. If its gets bad, we still got the laws to tackle the crazies.
Eddie: Look at the Mr Brown incident. The reaction and the letter from little Ms B was overboard, venomous and below the belt. I thought she got personally raped by Mr Brown. If we had people with better english and brains, we would have cut him off, with subtle but suave use of the language. Instead we used a sledgehammer, pile driver, hydraulic jack and then yanked his column.
Waiter: Hello, closing time, can finish up or not.
Harry: Hey how come like that.
Wok: Aiyah, foreign talent, he has no clue who we are. Life has changed.
Wok: Eddie, I will drop you off after I drop these jokers off at the Istana.
Harry: No lah, send Eddie first. Even we go back both to the Istana, both of us will still talk cock behind the guardhouse.
Eddie: Can I join in.
Wok: Eddie these buggers still talking about saving singapore till they die. Somemore how you can climb in your condition and with the walking stick.
Eddie : Ok lah, send me back.
Pres: How we can divide up the bill.
Old Man: Eh, I did not bring the wallet
Pres: Boss, I am sick of your excuses. You already owe me for so many suppers.
Old man: Ok lah, pay day coming soon, I will pay up. You are fucking worse thah Ah Long San and the Chettiars put together.
6 August 2006
113709.1
Samy's Curry, East Coast Rd, Old Joo Chiat Police Stn: 10.00pm, 20C, aircon, soft Indian music permeating the air
Old Man: I say Bang, trust you to find a good spot.
Pres: Yah lah, good choice, Bang.
Wok: No one will recognise us here because the lights are dim
Old Man: I thought it was in dempsey road, did they shift.
Wok: 2nd outlet
Old Man: Did you know every tom, dick and harry in Govt used to go to Samy's at least once a month. Sometime our cainet meeting gets screwed up because these buggers eat a lot and then can't keep a awake.
Wok: thats why they called it "pukul mati"
Pres: Boss, I think we can speak more freely here. In case you did not realise none of our conversations appear in sammyboy when we scale the Istana wall and leave for supper.
Old Man: You are right. ActuallyI told Bang to pick us up early from the western wall to provide a change of scenery. Quite borring that the tales always start at the Istana Guardhouse. After what you said, maybe I screwed it up.
Pres: Aiyah, good opportunity to ask some personal question. Bang, do you use viagra.
Wok: no lah, gua natural. Look after your body and sleep early to give it a good rest. That's why I was pleased when Harry called and asked me to come early. By the way, I called Eddie. He said if he can get a lift, he will drop by.
Old Man: Look, no doctor will give an old man viagara. Your best chance is across the causeway.
Pres: you lucky, your daughter is a doctor.
Old Man: Friend, I told you many times, I only climax every 5 years when we win the election.
Old Man: By the way, did you see our SPH Malaysia bureau chief article on facts and fiction on the internet.
Pres: Good work and covered all angles without imposing his own agenda. Some more did not talk about a journalist holding the monopoly on information exchange like some dumb prick that we have here.
Wok: Why you fellas still in politics. Give it rest. There is a time and place for everything. Learn to smell roses, let others take over. Ahhhh, he is Eddie. Good to see you Ed. Here, sit sit here and give me your walking stick.
Eddie: Wah lan, how come got reunion. Good to see you fuckers.
Old Man: so how are you. Who dropped you off.
Eddie: Tired of waiting for the family, I just called a cab. Not bad, the guy spoke English, certainly better than the school principals that we have.
Old Man: Eddie, don't start. You and Raja gave me hell everytime I raised the language issue in cabinet.
Eddie : You explain to me why the standard of written and spoken english has dropped so badly.
Old Man: Aiyah, why look at me, I don't run the show anymore.
Pres: Boss, pleeez - you are still in cabinet
Old man: Bro, don't be an arsehole.
WoK: Also don't be like like Mahathir, retire but give heavy artillery from the sidelines
Old Man:that not my style.
Eddie: So when will you place your trust with Singaporeans
Old man: Guys, let be fair here. Isn't Singapore a better place by most standards
Eddie: That's my point. When will you trust Singaporeans to take over from you.
Pres: Hey, the Madras mutton is getting cold and no one is eating it.
Wok: Bro, its a dynamite in your body. Just stick to Chicken and fish.
Old Man: Fellas, I already have a stent in me, I get one more bloackage and Choo will know that I have been scaling the fence again. I have to pass. You kin wacked with a frying pan once, and beleive me, you will toe the line.
Eddie: I too pass, can't chew anymore, the gigi will fly if attack from the wrong angle.
Pres: You guys can sure screw up a good meal. I just lost my appetite.
Wok: Eddie I was telling these bozos to take it easy. When there was a fight we were there. Remember KL - Raja, Keng Swee, Ah Chye and you Eddie writing the separation agreement. We fought hard, got a compromise and we began building the country.
Eddie: I don't think we finished what we started. We did not integrate singapore into a homogenenous society: We are still separated by race and religion.
Old Man: Ok Eddie, let me tell you where I have failed. Its is exactly that. And I will be honest, I can't work out the solution. Its a political timebomb. I thought I was gong to be assasinated when I closed down the Chinese stream education in 81 and merged Nanthah and Nus.
Eddie: So what's next
Old Man: You know when we started on this journey in 65, the Malay community spoke Malay predominently, Chinese began speaking English while Indians spoke english competently and the Eurasions had their distinct brand of English. The written form was universal British Straits Settlement version. In 2003, the Malays speak English within the household and in their community except in the presence of their elders. The Chinese have resorted to Mandarin as their medium and the Indians have lost their command of English. Get into a bus, the MRT, the foodcourt and you will realise the change and I can't figure it out. Read the forum page, more mina and mahchik writing with good english. Seems that Malay will be the new elite. By the way, Eddie can't you your Gragoh gang to take care of the ball licking nitwit Lionel.
Wok: So how.
Old Man: I thought we will evole like the US, Australia, UK where second generation migrants speak very good English and in the same style. Here however we still can tell the race by the way the language is spoken and even written.
Wok: We need a truly Singaporean identity
Eddie: Spot on. Something that the people are proud of.
Pres: I always suggested use our food as our national identifier.
Old Man: Bro, can you shut the fuck-up. Stop thinking with your stomach. You sound like STPB, who still can't think out of the box.
Eddie: What about the orchid
Old Man: NTUC fucked it up. They ran it up the flagpole and now people think that the Orchid motiff is NTUC coporate wardrope. There is still the Singapore girl in her Sarong Kebaya, the merlion, we lost bugis street but after that the well dries up.
Eddie: It reminds me of Yeo Hiap Seng. Soya bean was a winner and its was homegrown and it took only until recently for them to realise that the local coconut with pulp in a can is saleable.
Wok: what about chysanthemum tea.
Harry: Aiyah, thats from China. Eddie you are right. They had chicken curry in a can and they had it long before the Indians in Britain built up an empire on canned and package curries. We always seem to find out solutions elsewhere.
Pres: Not to mention our fucked up journalists. Instead of contributing with original ideas and thoughts, they will ask how high everytime we asked them to jump.
Wok: Frankly have our journalist ever contributed any ideas.
Eddie: I always felt that we should open our media and if they err, we correct them, if they don't listen let our boys in ISD sort them out.
Pres: Yah lah, ISD is so fucking bored that will jump in. Lets also get the bastard who keeps recording our conversations and lock him up as well.
Old Man: Bro, don't be fucking idiot. You want to lock him about for reporting ad verbatim what we said.
Pres: oh oh, ok.
Wok: I don't get it Eddie, you want to open it up and then use the ISD.
Eddie: What I am saying is that we have to be brave and open. Take the gamble for the sake of the nation's sanity. I am confident that there will be sensible people. If its gets bad, we still got the laws to tackle the crazies.
Eddie: Look at the Mr Brown incident. The reaction and the letter from little Ms B was overboard, venomous and below the belt. I thought she got personally raped by Mr Brown. If we had people with better english and brains, we would have cut him off, with subtle but suave use of the language. Instead we used a sledgehammer, pile driver, hydraulic jack and then yanked his column.
Waiter: Hello, closing time, can finish up or not.
Harry: Hey how come like that.
Wok: Aiyah, foreign talent, he has no clue who we are. Life has changed.
Wok: Eddie, I will drop you off after I drop these jokers off at the Istana.
Harry: No lah, send Eddie first. Even we go back both to the Istana, both of us will still talk cock behind the guardhouse.
Eddie: Can I join in.
Wok: Eddie these buggers still talking about saving singapore till they die. Somemore how you can climb in your condition and with the walking stick.
Eddie : Ok lah, send me back.
Pres: How we can divide up the bill.
Old Man: Eh, I did not bring the wallet
Pres: Boss, I am sick of your excuses. You already owe me for so many suppers.
Old man: Ok lah, pay day coming soon, I will pay up. You are fucking worse thah Ah Long San and the Chettiars put together.
// 8:07 PM 
