Sunday, August 20, 2006
Tales from the Istana - Part 9 (Sammyboy)
by scrobal
7 August 2006
113782.1
Behind Istana Guardhouse - 11pm, 24C, cool gentle breeze from NE. Smell of Teh Gayong drifiting from the guardhouse
Pres: I was hoping you would come. I want to talk about last night.
Old Man: bro, quick get the ladder, Othman will be waiting for us at the western wall. Hurry.
Pres: I am on it.
Western wall, Istana
Old man: Bang, you there.
Wok: Yah, boss.
Old Man: Bang, you have to climb the vine and climb down the ladder. We are not going out , you have to come in. I will explain later.
Wok: Oh Fuck, I am wearing sarong. Ok I try. Don't look up, not wearing underwear, very warm lah
Pres: Don 't worry I also don't wear underwear. Need to air the dick.
Behind the Guardhouse:
Old Man: Let me make it plain. Was Eddie there yesterday at Samy's
Pres: Yes and I tell you I could not sleep the whole night. I was tossing and turning, the Mrs kicked me out of bedroom. I ran to guardhouse and stayed there until day break.
Wok: Tell me about it. I dropped off Eddie and this morning when I woke up, my bed was wet with sweat.
Old Man: I knew it. When I reached home, I had goose pimples. Choo said that it was the same expression that I had when JB won Anson. She thought I went galavanting again and warned me the dangers of fraternising with Peidu mamas. She said that after new regulations, they are out in the streets. Now I kenna curfew. I can't go out after midnight and supper is out.
Pres: Bang, I remember you telling that you invited Eddie.
Old Man: To be sure, I also checked with the posting in Sammyboy, it also stated that you invited him.
Wok: Hey, I have no idea what happenned. All I know was Eddie was sitting with us and then I dropped him off with both of you in the car.
Old man: Shit, my mother told me not to go out during the hungry ghost month. Now we had it. Regret like fuck that I did not listen to her
Pres: Boss, why don't we throw a getai in the Istana
Old Man: good Idea Bro. We need to appease the spirits.Alamak, the king of Getai just died of cancer and Ah Nan arrested for drugs Bro. For the Istana, getai must have standard.
Wok: Like that how, want to call bomoh
Pres: Bang, the last time we called the Bomoh about the disappearing 6th hole flag, the guy ran away when he tried to nail the spirit to the tree.
Wok: What happenned.
Pres: The bomoh spotted a lot of nails on the tree and then we realised that all the trees had nails. Wah lan, we all ran for our lives.I tell you bro, I just lifted my sarong and sprinted all the way without looking back
Old Man: Now you know why the guards stay in the guardhouse and never patrol the ground at night. .
Wok: And you asked me to come to Istana without telling me all this.
Old Man: No choice, we have to find a place to rest Eddie's spririt.
Pres: Hey what about asking Dick Lee to do the getai.
Old Man: Brilliant idea, no wonder you are president.
Wok: Eddie will like it. Get Dick to do Fried Rice Paradise.
Old man: Lets get them to pitch a tent on the 6th green and we can also get rid of that spirit.
Wok: How do you explain this to the people. They will laugh at us.
Old man: This is no laughing matter. The seventh month is a serious matter in this country. Don't fuck around. I may have gone to cambridge with a name called Harry but this one don't play play.
Wok: I meant the Dick Lee part.
Pres: Aiyah, where have we told Singaporeans anything before. We control the media, we control the entertainment, shucks, we control everything. No one will know until Boss writes another book.
Old man: Ok, let not waste time. Bang, you are in charge of tent and logistics, Bro, you handle Dick Lee and the agenda for the night. .... Oh Fuck, you know next to nothing about arts and entertainment, better get Bang to do it and you look after the tent and logistics.
Pres: And may I ask what the hell you are in charge of.
Old man: I will handle media and communications
Pres: Boss, thats a fucking easy job. You know the journalist will not write anything. Even I can do that standing on one leg while ironing my sarong.
Old Man: Bro, you are getting too big for you breeches. Open your big fat mouth and i will tell your wife about smoking cheroot behind the guardhouse. By the way, when handling media I meant the internet like sammyboy, yawning bread, Mr Brown etc.
Pres: What about Xiaxue.
Old Man: Alamak, she is politically naive, no clue and her content is so trivial.
Pres: But got to say, chio.
Old Man: Have you seen her without makeup - a short arsewho thinks that she is god's give to mankind. I prefer iggy, got guts, nice tits too.
Wok: Hey fellas, we are talking about Eddie here. Forget about the SYTs
Old Man: Ok Lah, lets get cracking and come back again tomorrow and report progress.
WoK: I am certainly not coming back to the Istana. What about Changi village hawker centre. We can whack nasi Lemak.
Pres: Brilliant idea Bang, a man after my own heart.
Old Man: Ok I will tell Choo that I going to the Government Chalet to do work.
Pres: Bang, don't eat it at the first stall, that fella very ex, charge $2.50 while the others charge $2. The mackereal Otak Otak however is to die for. Voted the best in Singapore you know.
Wok: What do I tell Dick Lee.
Old Man: Friend, Dick lee is a creative fella, he would work it out. If he can handle Jacinta Abushinthegarden, he can handle anything.
Pres: Wahlan, did you see her on Singapore Idol, she look like she was high.
Old Man: Can you stick to the subject.
Pres: OK lah, do you want Pernakan food for the night or what
Old Man: I give up, you want to serve Pernakan food because Dick Lee is Pernakan, Its a getai, bodoh.
Old man: I better go back, curfew time.
7 August 2006
113782.1
Behind Istana Guardhouse - 11pm, 24C, cool gentle breeze from NE. Smell of Teh Gayong drifiting from the guardhouse
Pres: I was hoping you would come. I want to talk about last night.
Old Man: bro, quick get the ladder, Othman will be waiting for us at the western wall. Hurry.
Pres: I am on it.
Western wall, Istana
Old man: Bang, you there.
Wok: Yah, boss.
Old Man: Bang, you have to climb the vine and climb down the ladder. We are not going out , you have to come in. I will explain later.
Wok: Oh Fuck, I am wearing sarong. Ok I try. Don't look up, not wearing underwear, very warm lah
Pres: Don 't worry I also don't wear underwear. Need to air the dick.
Behind the Guardhouse:
Old Man: Let me make it plain. Was Eddie there yesterday at Samy's
Pres: Yes and I tell you I could not sleep the whole night. I was tossing and turning, the Mrs kicked me out of bedroom. I ran to guardhouse and stayed there until day break.
Wok: Tell me about it. I dropped off Eddie and this morning when I woke up, my bed was wet with sweat.
Old Man: I knew it. When I reached home, I had goose pimples. Choo said that it was the same expression that I had when JB won Anson. She thought I went galavanting again and warned me the dangers of fraternising with Peidu mamas. She said that after new regulations, they are out in the streets. Now I kenna curfew. I can't go out after midnight and supper is out.
Pres: Bang, I remember you telling that you invited Eddie.
Old Man: To be sure, I also checked with the posting in Sammyboy, it also stated that you invited him.
Wok: Hey, I have no idea what happenned. All I know was Eddie was sitting with us and then I dropped him off with both of you in the car.
Old man: Shit, my mother told me not to go out during the hungry ghost month. Now we had it. Regret like fuck that I did not listen to her
Pres: Boss, why don't we throw a getai in the Istana
Old Man: good Idea Bro. We need to appease the spirits.Alamak, the king of Getai just died of cancer and Ah Nan arrested for drugs Bro. For the Istana, getai must have standard.
Wok: Like that how, want to call bomoh
Pres: Bang, the last time we called the Bomoh about the disappearing 6th hole flag, the guy ran away when he tried to nail the spirit to the tree.
Wok: What happenned.
Pres: The bomoh spotted a lot of nails on the tree and then we realised that all the trees had nails. Wah lan, we all ran for our lives.I tell you bro, I just lifted my sarong and sprinted all the way without looking back
Old Man: Now you know why the guards stay in the guardhouse and never patrol the ground at night. .
Wok: And you asked me to come to Istana without telling me all this.
Old Man: No choice, we have to find a place to rest Eddie's spririt.
Pres: Hey what about asking Dick Lee to do the getai.
Old Man: Brilliant idea, no wonder you are president.
Wok: Eddie will like it. Get Dick to do Fried Rice Paradise.
Old man: Lets get them to pitch a tent on the 6th green and we can also get rid of that spirit.
Wok: How do you explain this to the people. They will laugh at us.
Old man: This is no laughing matter. The seventh month is a serious matter in this country. Don't fuck around. I may have gone to cambridge with a name called Harry but this one don't play play.
Wok: I meant the Dick Lee part.
Pres: Aiyah, where have we told Singaporeans anything before. We control the media, we control the entertainment, shucks, we control everything. No one will know until Boss writes another book.
Old man: Ok, let not waste time. Bang, you are in charge of tent and logistics, Bro, you handle Dick Lee and the agenda for the night. .... Oh Fuck, you know next to nothing about arts and entertainment, better get Bang to do it and you look after the tent and logistics.
Pres: And may I ask what the hell you are in charge of.
Old man: I will handle media and communications
Pres: Boss, thats a fucking easy job. You know the journalist will not write anything. Even I can do that standing on one leg while ironing my sarong.
Old Man: Bro, you are getting too big for you breeches. Open your big fat mouth and i will tell your wife about smoking cheroot behind the guardhouse. By the way, when handling media I meant the internet like sammyboy, yawning bread, Mr Brown etc.
Pres: What about Xiaxue.
Old Man: Alamak, she is politically naive, no clue and her content is so trivial.
Pres: But got to say, chio.
Old Man: Have you seen her without makeup - a short arsewho thinks that she is god's give to mankind. I prefer iggy, got guts, nice tits too.
Wok: Hey fellas, we are talking about Eddie here. Forget about the SYTs
Old Man: Ok Lah, lets get cracking and come back again tomorrow and report progress.
WoK: I am certainly not coming back to the Istana. What about Changi village hawker centre. We can whack nasi Lemak.
Pres: Brilliant idea Bang, a man after my own heart.
Old Man: Ok I will tell Choo that I going to the Government Chalet to do work.
Pres: Bang, don't eat it at the first stall, that fella very ex, charge $2.50 while the others charge $2. The mackereal Otak Otak however is to die for. Voted the best in Singapore you know.
Wok: What do I tell Dick Lee.
Old Man: Friend, Dick lee is a creative fella, he would work it out. If he can handle Jacinta Abushinthegarden, he can handle anything.
Pres: Wahlan, did you see her on Singapore Idol, she look like she was high.
Old Man: Can you stick to the subject.
Pres: OK lah, do you want Pernakan food for the night or what
Old Man: I give up, you want to serve Pernakan food because Dick Lee is Pernakan, Its a getai, bodoh.
Old man: I better go back, curfew time.
// 11:50 AM 
