Tuesday, November 07, 2006
Tales from the Istana - Part 11b (Sammyboy)
by scrobal
6 November 2006
122956.1
Behind Istana Guardhouse - 11pm, 24C, cool gentle breeze from SW. Scent of lavendar drifting in the air.
Old Man: Hey man, what you doing here. I thought you would have gone home for the weekend.
Pres: It’s a long story but it has do with Joo Chiat, Vietnamese sluts and my good health.
Old man: What are you talking about about. Don’t tell me she caught you with your pants down.
Pres: No Lah, Boss. Last few weekends when we go back home, my wife kept noticing the Vietnamese streetwalkers walking past our place. Since the Police clampdown, they now operate one street parallel to the length of Joo Chiat. She kept grumbling about how useless I am despite my position. I told her that they are actually foreign talent and in Vietnam if you are a professional, you put heavy make-up and dress is a bit slutty to show your high status.
Old Man: Bro, you the man! Did she buy it.
Pres: She did until my daughter came visiting and gave her the scoop.
Old Man: What happened?
Pres: I tell you what happened. All hell broke loose. She took the payong (umbrella) and thundered towards me. I got to tell you – all the East Coast health walk paid off. You should have seen me, I lifted my sarong in one swift move, and did the dash to Pennefather Road in quick time.
Old Man: Choo normally throws the coffeecup at me but normally I can dodge it, sometimes cannot lah, then you don’t see me in public for couple of weeks.
Pres: So now the Mrs don’t want to go back home until I do something about it. So can we get rid of the streetwalkers.
Old Man: Bro, you got to realize that the World has changed and Singapore has to. 30 Years ago, I used to laugh at Macau . A few seedy casinos and nowehere to go. Guess what, I am not laughing. We are now in the same boat.
Pres: That explains why you have been making some comments that you have never made before.
Old Man: Like what bro.
Pres: The comment about ST carrying the facts and their commentaries. The other comment to the BCC was Thai / Temasek deal.
Old Man: Times are hard bro, not sure what to do.
Pres: The Thai/Temasek thing I understand. One wrong move and your son gets it from his wife and you get yet another coffeecup coming your way from Choo. But the ST thing I can’t understand. It screws your credibility.
Old Man: Its not that bad, they have been ok what?
Pres: Are you mad, boss. There are more balls carriers than balls in that place. You know that everytime I read a commentary from one of the Chua sisters, I keep mumbling to myself “Hit me, hit me”. One day, my wife got fed up, took the umbrella and whacked me on the head. My dentures flew out of my mouth right thru the window and out to the road. That night, no masala chicken for me.
Old Man: We created the monster, now we have to live with it. Don’t worry, the younger generation of journalist have got balls. They have the fibre, the fire and the spine to stand firm. Look at the Kweks and the Pehs. They are our future. Remember one of them told me to retire from cabinet.
Pres: Maybe that explains why some of the assholes are moving to “Today”
Old Man: I can see it for myself. Imagine walking along the corridor and trying to avoid the eyes of the morally correct younger bunch. Scary.
Pres: What about Thai/Temasek affair. Any hope.
Old Man: Fuck these guys. Don’t even know how to feather an engine on fire. Firstly I can’t believe they went and bought a Thai national asset. Will we sell Singtel, Singapore power, PSA, DBS, SIA. If we float it, we will still keep the majority stake. Why the hell did they think that other countries will not get upset if someone get their national asset.
Pres: What would you do to fix this, boss.
Old Man: Aiyah Bro, just go to Bhumipol, kowtow, ask forgiveness and then ask his advise on how to fix it. End of story.
Pres: Then how come you told the journalist that everything is above board when that was not the question. He never suggested that the process was corrupt. He asked you about apples and you replied about oranges.
Old man: Use your Otak bro. I can't tell him the real reason can I. Remember both Loong and I have got to sleep sometime in the night.
Pres: That what I thought. You know and I know that every private firm and MNC has a general under its payroll but they don’t make press release. Its all done behind the scenes.
Old man: Its getting very depressing. Even Sam wants to get out of Delphi and run it on his own server after the Perry Tong fuckup. I felt bad for Low, so I called him and told him we got a Wee and he got a Tong and they deserve each other.
Old Man: I hope Sam does not walk away. You know the entire civil service reads the forum to get the true feedback. We get the true picture from that forum. Viswa Sadasivan’s Feedback unit is a white elephant. Ooops sorry about the Thai pun.
Pres: Maybe now we can now trace the real sam. He can work for us.
Old Man: Banish that thought. When we first approached him, he said no. We then sweethened the deal, he said fuck off. I called him personally and he told me to take a flying fuck. All we wanted him to say is to mention the PAP in good light every now and then. Sam got his infatuation with Australia, freedom, migration, entrepreneurship, 4 wheel drive, cycling and a Grand Bank Yacth. I could not get one word in without being interrupted.
Old Man: All this talk is making me depressed. How about some supper. I got the perfect place and the perfect dish.
Pres: What, what boss. Mee Rebus is it. I heard the best Mee Rebus gravy is made from mixing cracked Marie biscuit into the gravy.
Old Man: No lah, it’s the dum briyani at the corner of Tanjong Pagar and . The teh halia is also just right. Good combination. Lets take the MRT, I want to try out the new trains. We still have time.
Pres: Won’t the people recognize us.
Old Man: Keep up with the times, Bro. Haven’t you heard, the MRT trains in the late evenings are now packed with cleaners in their 70s and 80s cleaning the office blocks in the CBD so that their sons and daughers can go to work in the morning in nice and clean environment. In my shorts and your sarong, we can easily fit in.
Pres: You mean, they got no retirements savings.
Old Man: Don’t make me more depress. Its coming apart at the seams. Those who got savings must have donated its to the mei meis and Vietnamese streetwalkers. Don’t talk about it.
Pres: So you want mutton or chicken briyani. By the way, I stopped taking fizzy drinks, its gives me too much gas.
Old Man: Can you shut the fuck and move faster, its already 11.55pm and we certainly don’t want to miss the last train.
6 November 2006
122956.1
Behind Istana Guardhouse - 11pm, 24C, cool gentle breeze from SW. Scent of lavendar drifting in the air.
Old Man: Hey man, what you doing here. I thought you would have gone home for the weekend.
Pres: It’s a long story but it has do with Joo Chiat, Vietnamese sluts and my good health.
Old man: What are you talking about about. Don’t tell me she caught you with your pants down.
Pres: No Lah, Boss. Last few weekends when we go back home, my wife kept noticing the Vietnamese streetwalkers walking past our place. Since the Police clampdown, they now operate one street parallel to the length of Joo Chiat. She kept grumbling about how useless I am despite my position. I told her that they are actually foreign talent and in Vietnam if you are a professional, you put heavy make-up and dress is a bit slutty to show your high status.
Old Man: Bro, you the man! Did she buy it.
Pres: She did until my daughter came visiting and gave her the scoop.
Old Man: What happened?
Pres: I tell you what happened. All hell broke loose. She took the payong (umbrella) and thundered towards me. I got to tell you – all the East Coast health walk paid off. You should have seen me, I lifted my sarong in one swift move, and did the dash to Pennefather Road in quick time.
Old Man: Choo normally throws the coffeecup at me but normally I can dodge it, sometimes cannot lah, then you don’t see me in public for couple of weeks.
Pres: So now the Mrs don’t want to go back home until I do something about it. So can we get rid of the streetwalkers.
Old Man: Bro, you got to realize that the World has changed and Singapore has to. 30 Years ago, I used to laugh at Macau . A few seedy casinos and nowehere to go. Guess what, I am not laughing. We are now in the same boat.
Pres: That explains why you have been making some comments that you have never made before.
Old Man: Like what bro.
Pres: The comment about ST carrying the facts and their commentaries. The other comment to the BCC was Thai / Temasek deal.
Old Man: Times are hard bro, not sure what to do.
Pres: The Thai/Temasek thing I understand. One wrong move and your son gets it from his wife and you get yet another coffeecup coming your way from Choo. But the ST thing I can’t understand. It screws your credibility.
Old Man: Its not that bad, they have been ok what?
Pres: Are you mad, boss. There are more balls carriers than balls in that place. You know that everytime I read a commentary from one of the Chua sisters, I keep mumbling to myself “Hit me, hit me”. One day, my wife got fed up, took the umbrella and whacked me on the head. My dentures flew out of my mouth right thru the window and out to the road. That night, no masala chicken for me.
Old Man: We created the monster, now we have to live with it. Don’t worry, the younger generation of journalist have got balls. They have the fibre, the fire and the spine to stand firm. Look at the Kweks and the Pehs. They are our future. Remember one of them told me to retire from cabinet.
Pres: Maybe that explains why some of the assholes are moving to “Today”
Old Man: I can see it for myself. Imagine walking along the corridor and trying to avoid the eyes of the morally correct younger bunch. Scary.
Pres: What about Thai/Temasek affair. Any hope.
Old Man: Fuck these guys. Don’t even know how to feather an engine on fire. Firstly I can’t believe they went and bought a Thai national asset. Will we sell Singtel, Singapore power, PSA, DBS, SIA. If we float it, we will still keep the majority stake. Why the hell did they think that other countries will not get upset if someone get their national asset.
Pres: What would you do to fix this, boss.
Old Man: Aiyah Bro, just go to Bhumipol, kowtow, ask forgiveness and then ask his advise on how to fix it. End of story.
Pres: Then how come you told the journalist that everything is above board when that was not the question. He never suggested that the process was corrupt. He asked you about apples and you replied about oranges.
Old man: Use your Otak bro. I can't tell him the real reason can I. Remember both Loong and I have got to sleep sometime in the night.
Pres: That what I thought. You know and I know that every private firm and MNC has a general under its payroll but they don’t make press release. Its all done behind the scenes.
Old man: Its getting very depressing. Even Sam wants to get out of Delphi and run it on his own server after the Perry Tong fuckup. I felt bad for Low, so I called him and told him we got a Wee and he got a Tong and they deserve each other.
Old Man: I hope Sam does not walk away. You know the entire civil service reads the forum to get the true feedback. We get the true picture from that forum. Viswa Sadasivan’s Feedback unit is a white elephant. Ooops sorry about the Thai pun.
Pres: Maybe now we can now trace the real sam. He can work for us.
Old Man: Banish that thought. When we first approached him, he said no. We then sweethened the deal, he said fuck off. I called him personally and he told me to take a flying fuck. All we wanted him to say is to mention the PAP in good light every now and then. Sam got his infatuation with Australia, freedom, migration, entrepreneurship, 4 wheel drive, cycling and a Grand Bank Yacth. I could not get one word in without being interrupted.
Old Man: All this talk is making me depressed. How about some supper. I got the perfect place and the perfect dish.
Pres: What, what boss. Mee Rebus is it. I heard the best Mee Rebus gravy is made from mixing cracked Marie biscuit into the gravy.
Old Man: No lah, it’s the dum briyani at the corner of Tanjong Pagar and . The teh halia is also just right. Good combination. Lets take the MRT, I want to try out the new trains. We still have time.
Pres: Won’t the people recognize us.
Old Man: Keep up with the times, Bro. Haven’t you heard, the MRT trains in the late evenings are now packed with cleaners in their 70s and 80s cleaning the office blocks in the CBD so that their sons and daughers can go to work in the morning in nice and clean environment. In my shorts and your sarong, we can easily fit in.
Pres: You mean, they got no retirements savings.
Old Man: Don’t make me more depress. Its coming apart at the seams. Those who got savings must have donated its to the mei meis and Vietnamese streetwalkers. Don’t talk about it.
Pres: So you want mutton or chicken briyani. By the way, I stopped taking fizzy drinks, its gives me too much gas.
Old Man: Can you shut the fuck and move faster, its already 11.55pm and we certainly don’t want to miss the last train.
// 2:25 PM 
